Portrait of an Assassin as a Young Man
by Lilla
Summary: How did Weiss become the efficient unit we saw in the anime? And what are the relationships going on behind the scenes? Read this and you will get a comic and somewhat unlikely look into the answer to those questions. If you are looking for a 'good' laugh
1. Default Chapter

**Title: "****Portrait of an Assassin as a young man"**

**Author: Lilla.**

**Category: Omake/Hentai**

**Warnings: R**

**Pairings: OxK, OxAnyone, OxWhatever… YxA**

**For Sardius!**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the Weiss characters!  Can I borrow them? Please?!!!! Sobs… I am just playing with them, OK? I won't ruin them… much. Come on it's just for a 'good' laugh… 

Also I do not own any other anime characters mentioned in this 'thing' proper disclaimers in the AN at the end of each part.

**Author's Note**: OK, time for some additional warnings. 

Beware there be **yaoi lime. ****Yaoi as in guys getting it on with guys, ****lime as in lots of hints of smut. ****So if you are too young or don't like same sex relationships, ****don't read! **

OK this a little bit of sheer idiocy inspired by some late night mails to/from Sardius-chan. OOC galore, craziness and idiocy are a given. Cameo appearances of characters from other animes. One long Ken PoV!

This is a **gift fic** for **Sardius** have a nice very belated 2003 Easter gal… or a very early 2004 one…

Many thanks to **Nekojita** and **Sardius for the **beta** reading! **

_These are thoughts._

These are flashbacks__

**Portrait of an Assassin as a Young Man.**

PART 1: Getting to know the angel. 

The first time I met Omi he was a cute little blond button of a 15 year old going on 10 and I had just been kicked out of J-League.

It was love at first sight between Omi and I. I smacked his bottom soccer style and he retaliated with one of his darts.

He later confessed that he had made a genuine mistake and had used an unpoisoned one.  

Anyway I spent the next two days sleeping off the after-effects of that  tranquilliser concoction of his and woke up refreshed and starry-eyed. When I opened my eyes I was all fired up and ready to go after the one I was sure was going to be my beloved.

I dare say that I made him very happy. He never again had to move anything heavy in the shop as I took  care of everything.

"No, Ken-kun, no need for you to take these pots, I have them…" claims a bit out of breath and fairly charged Omi while Ken tries to get the  stack  of pots he is carrying away from him.

"No Omi we can't let your cute little self bust a disk trying to lift  those heavy pots…" retaliates an almost drooling (at the sight of Omi's  slender torso exposed by the climbing T-shirt) Ken.

With a sudden movement the soccer fanatic takes the stack of pots in his capable hands and…

"Watch out they're going to…" starts a fearful looking Omi before being interrupted by the pots meeting their end with a resounding crash, "… fall and break…" 

We had the ideal life Omi and I, sharing the same interests…

"Omi let's go watch this soccer match" enthuses a chirpy, in spite of the minus twenty degree Celsius weather outside,  Ken.

"Ano Ken-kun," replies a pocket calculator weaponed Omi, "I have to finish these equations and then tackle my English homework to prepare for tomorrow's test…"

Before the teen even finishes explaining his evening's study program, , a callused hand grabs him by the lapel of his jacket while another hand gets positioned on his backside steering the reluctant boy towards the  big, cold outside. 

"Nonsense,"  asserts Ken as the boy tries to explain the necessity of  his staying in and studying, "you're  too smart already, you don't need to study anymore…"

"I want to get a  degreeeee…" wails the blond boy in response. A pencil falls out of his  tousled hair and falls on the snow covered  entrance steps. 

A puzzled Momoe-san looks at the couple making their way out in the freezing weather without winter coats or shoes and sighs "Ah youth! Look at them going all but naked into the snow and not even feeling the cold.. Amazing… Bet they'll  have colds tomorrow, though." 

She wasn't far off the mark, except that in Omi's case, it was more like pneumonia…

… Talking about our lives before Weiss…

"And so I managed to save our goal…" drones on a flushed Ken as he looks hungrily at the  scantily clad and half asleep Omi, who is sitting in his computer chair while eyeing longingly his already turned down bed.

Three hours afterwards a now close to comatose Omi has collapsed: his head and torso on this unmade bed and his legs on the chair he'd started the conversation in. A clueless Ken is still recounting his soccer prowess.

The barely heard, "And so I managed to throw the ball back towards Kase. And, boy, you wouldn't believe it, he turned at my call and got the ball smack on his nose…" lulls the tired teen to sleep. 

As he faintly snores the narration continues, "And figure that, it broke! And he spent three days in the hospital and his nose didn't get back into shape ever! But that didn't matter to him, we were great friends Kase and I…"

Somehow all of Omi's dreams that night featured himself trying to use the soccer balls Ken threw at him in place of his darts to kill some dark beasts. Needless to say, that particular nightmare didn't end too well…

We also watched  each other's backs on missions.

"Omi," whispers into his communicator a crouching Siberian tiger (AKA Ken), while looking at a cadre of guards marching before his position, "we have too many guards for me to take out."  

"Lie low and don't alert security Ken-kun," replied Omi's voice, sounding tinny over the comm, "or I'll be toast."

"Of course, of course, not to worry," assures a bored Ken, then something catches his eye and he turns to look with wonderment at his discovery.

"Wonder what this red button will do if I press it…" muses the curious soccer fanatic before pressing the above mentioned implement. The shrill ring of an alarm can be heard all over the complex.

"I'd say that it was the alarm Ken-kun," whines a despairing Omi while looking askance at the armed guards now targeting him in their sights , "and I am going to be so much grinded meat…"

We always prevailed, even when Omi, under the weight of our profession, had to go for counselling…

A kind looking old man with glasses perched upon a thin nose and white messy hair sticking up all over the place talks to a twitching and red-eyed Omi. The boy's hands keep closing spasmodically as if he were trying to grab for a weapon.

"There, there," says the psychiatrist chosen by Kritiker, old doctor Hanamura,  the genius who got Kikyou out of the depression concerning his sister's death, thus recuperating one of Kritiker's top operatives, "don't be like that. With your line of work, homicidal instincts  are bound to surface…"

At that comment the poor boy starts crying brokenly. "You," he sniffs "you don't understand… I don't want to kill anyone."

An unholy gleam now entering the young blond's eyes, the teen continues, "I just want to see that useless idiot Siberian dead at my feet, his entrails spilled out,  his puppy dog eyes glazed over…" 

As  dreadful maniac laughter starts spouting out of Omi's mouth, the kind doctor, sweating furiously, scribbles down prescriptions for the strongest antidepressants and sleeping pills he can think of.  Hopefully with this prescription he will get out of seeing any more of this crazy boy as he'd  done with that odd black haired man they had sent him from Kyoto.

Outside, a waiting Ken feels a chill running down his  spine as the evilest laughter he has ever heard in his life echoes down the corridors of the clinic Kritiker has sent them to. 

"My," comments cheerfully the soccer fanatic while kicking  a ball he had taken along, to decompress while waiting, into a crash cart lying abandoned to the side and switching it on, "there are some dangerously crazy people in here!"

Luckily with the proper medications and my invaluable and constant companionship the light of my life was back to his old cheerful self…

A sheepish Ken enters a totalled shop. Flowers are strewn this way and that, some have even  been trampled. Somehow, a stampede seems to have been started in his little flower shop in central Tokyo. A zoned out Omi is lying almost unconscious on the ground. His hair is mussed as if too many hands had been run through it and he has the sort of expression you see on the faces of saints portrayed while  having  visions in  Christian churches' holy art.

Ken scratches the back of his head and comments "Sorry I'm  late Omi…" 

Getting no response he goes on cheerfully, "I am sorry I missed my shift and left you alone in the psycho fangirls' clutches this afternoon… but you see there was this guy in the park and he was teaching passes to his son in the wrong fashion and…"

The still out of it Omi clutches tightly the bottle he is holding in his left hand as if it were a lifeline. The faint lettering 'Nervocalm' can be seen  on the nearly empty prescription.

With a disquieting bright smile Omi shakes himself out of his drugged stupor and chirps cheerfully, "Oh it is nothing Ken-kun. It was a pleasure working both our shifts today…"

As the teen's left eye starts to twitch spasmodically the young blond unstops the bottle he is still frantically holding and drinks the  dregs down in one long swallow. 

But then nothing that idyllic could ever hope to last. I should have known better than to believe it would.

**TBC…**

End of 1/5! 

=^.^= So you like?


	2. Enters Yohji

**Disclaimer: ** I don't own any of the Weiss characters!  Can I borrow them? Please?!!!! Sobs… I am just playing with them, OK? I won't ruin them… much. Come on it's just for a 'good' laugh… 

Also I do not own any other anime characters mentioned in this 'thing' proper disclaimers in the AN at the end of each part.

PART 2: Enters Yohji 

Two year after our first meeting Omi and I got two more team-mates in a matter of a few months. That was the beginning of the end really… 

I forgot to tell you something important, though. In the meantime my Bombay kitten and I had started a very satisfying physical relationship.

One wouldn't have guessed it but under that innocent blue-eyed boy guise was a real sex maniac, and a satyr to boot.

Omi is pacing in the kitchen of the apartment complex above the Koneko. He can be heard mumbling to himself, "Not even Doctor's Hanamura most potent concoction can calm me these days… I have to find a way to work out some frustration."

A towel wearing Ken passed through the kitchen on his way back from the bathroom. Before he can make it to his door, though, a wild eyed Omi has grabbed his towel and has thrown it on the fridge cackling "You'll do!!" 

(A.N. The rest is omitted in respect to this writer's sanity since the thought of Omi *with anyone* is enough to make me squeaky.)

Not to say that I didn't enjoy it, nor is it my intention to complain but still I was always ravished thoroughly and never cuddled… It was almost enough to make me feel used. Not to mention the difficulties I  faced to keep from wincing in pain when walking and the agony that playing soccer or sitting  entailed after such an encounter.

Anyway, I was always  sure back then that it was just Omi being too passionate and in love with me to stop screwing me.

But one horrendous day Manx, our Kritiker contact, came into the shop looking particularly solemn, following in her wake the lanky playboy who made my life Hell. 

Kudoh Yohji was an extremely attractive lanky pole of a man with shoulder length honey blond hair and sparkling green eyes. I knew that on the looks side there could be no possible competition. But I was sure that Omi wouldn't give into mere lust in the face of the deep and abiding love we shared.

A few days after his arrival a golden haired sex god is alone in the shop with a faintly nervous Omi. The boy hasn't been getting any in the last few hours as Ken has gone away to  watch a soccer match in Kyoto.

"You look good today bishounen! Want to have a little fun?" drawls lazily the devious playboy while making a scene of leering at Omi's exposed legs. 

"Why not Yohji-kun," answers a suddenly fevered-eyed Omi before pouncing on the unsuspecting playboy in the middle of the shop without any care for the open door.

Their lips lock together and they start kissing passionately. But then the heavy tread of sneaker shod feet approaching the shop is clearly heard and the two would be lovers break apart hurriedly, trying to conceal any sign of their recent almost romp.

As they start occupying themselves with the orders a flushed Ken enters the shop with a slightly sheepish grin pasted on his face. "Guess what?" He asks while scratching the back of his head in embarrassment, "the train to Kyoto leaves at 8.20pm and not am… So mmh I will be going later I suppose…" 

But in my assessment of the situation I hadn't accounted for the slut's experience. And that proved to be a costly miscalculation as the bastard did manage to trick his way into poor innocent sweet Omi's pants. And I was left with my heart broken.

The evening after Ken's departure for the game in Kyoto a nearly naked Omi is busily necking a somewhat incredulous Yohji while trying to rid the man of his sprayed on leather pants.

The teen's fingers snap open the button and go to work on the laces holding the fly together. 

Having succeeded in his first goal, the horny youth grabs a tube of lubricant to prepare his entry and  changes his angle of attack to the playboy's mouth. 

Now positively freaked, the older blond tries futilely to murmur something which sounds suspiciously like "Wait a minute kiddo, I don't do bottom…" through the lip lock Omi has him in. But his protest if not unheard is at least ignored. 

While the two  blonds are thus pleasantly, at least for one of them, engaged, a distraught ex-soccer player has gotten back from the train station, having just remembered that the game was scheduled for 19.10 so that taking a train to go and see it at 20.20 was totally useless. 

Having had the possibility of indulging in his first love frustrated, the man is now looking for his boyfriend and hoping that getting some TLC will make him feel better. Having  uselessly searched the whole of the house the soccer fanatic decides to try the mission room.

So it is that as a young diminutive blond forces, under the menace of a poisoned dart, his elder team-mate on his hands and knees kneeling behind him, with obvious 'naughty' intentions, a pair of wounded brown eyes looks on the scene incredulously. 

In his rush to quit the room and reach the safety of his bedroom, hopefully unseen, the resident klutz manages to trip on a rung and rolls down the stairs to crash noisily onto the mission room floor.

Two pair of light coloured eyes, one baby blue and one emerald green, watch in shock from their compromising position on the couch the bruised brunette. 

Let momentarily free by a slackening of the teen's grip, Yohji catches the ball in his court, so to  speak, and rushes out of the mission room all but stepping on the prostrate Ken, leaving behind his scattered clothing  in his haste to reach  safety from his would be ravisher.

While he hurriedly climbs the stairs two rungs at a time he can be heard muttering "Never, EVER, flirt with genki chibi sex demons!!!"

With his prey out of his grasp, a flushed and faintly peeved Omi tries to explain the situation  so as to still get some…

"Ken-kun," whispers lovingly a dishevelled Omi, "it wasn't what it seemed. I was just checking Yohji-kun's behind for… erm…  hemorrhoids[1]…" 

Omi tried bravely to take blame for the slut's actions; also he let me down very gently in order to reduce the strain in the team.  In spite of his efforts, I saw all too well how things were and the tension couldn't help but build up between me and the man-whore, especially as he and Omi became a steady item and my chibi started to neglect me completely.

A terrified Yohji runs out of the shop at the end of his shift as far away as possible from a determined and horny Omi, bumping smack into a depressed, half dressed Ken coming out of the bathroom.

Eying cautiously the incoming sex demon in close pursuit, the older blond decides to feed the dumb jock to the 'lion' in order to make good his escape. Interposing the boxer clad soccer player between himself and the overtly lusty teen, the playboy runs as if he had the hounds of hell on his heels to his room and closes, locks and barricades the door behind him.  

The sex starved teen looks up and down the yummy piece of meat before him before deciding to make do with the material on hand.

Half an hour after any 'suspicious' noise has died out, a very careful chain smoker dares to take a peek out of his room to see a tangle of limbs just outside of his abode.

A completely out of it Omi lies on top of an almost crying Ken. The older teen keeps repeating "only once?!!!!" [2] over and over and seems to be in shock.

TBC… 

**End of 2/5!**

Review? Hopeful smile…

**Author's Notes:**

[1] Lamest excuse ever… Not even Ken will fall for this one.

[2] Only once? Lilla no hentai! smacks self  =^.^=


	3. Who's that perv?

PART 3: Who's that perv? 

Then, as if the sex starved playboy leeching away poor Omi's energy with sex at all hours wasn't enough, we got a  bondage queen, cross-dressing freak [1] as extra addiction to the team.

A trenchcoat clad redhead is fighting with a bugnuck wielding Ken on a rooftop.

The brunette manages to tear  the single tie holding together the coat the redheaded man is wearing.

As the trench opens it reveals a black spaghetti  top and a black leather bondage style choker with matching  sprayed on,  low slung, trousers.

Before either of the fighters can take any further action a small golden-topped head is nestled  against the redhead's chest.

"Call me Master!!!" Enthuses a seemingly love struck Omi, while rubbing his cheek on the firm abdominals covered by the girly shirt.

The redhead keels over in a dead faint, the horny leech, erm teen, still firmly attached. Close by a smoking Yohji watching from a nearby rooftop comments darkly, "poor guy, and he was so cute too!"

Filled with righteous indignation at how the dirty hentai had propositioned my Omi, without even having been introduced to him, I decided to defend my beloved's honour when next the pervert  came our way. Hoping also to impress my  dearest  with my extraordinary physical prowess, I made things clear from the start.

Aya, now sporting a deep burgundy, veering on purple, trenchcoat held closed by an impressive amount of buckles steps cautiously into the over crowded flower shop where our heroes all work.

In spite of the covered katana  spasmodically clutched in his  right hand, the man almost turns tail and runs once he spots his beaming blond nemesis nearby. _"Death threats or not"_ the man thinks _"there are worse things than being dead…"_ before trying to scuttle away.

Before the redhead can make good his escape , though, a powerful hand grabs him by the collar of his new improved anti-groping coat and the brunette from the evening before is suddenly in his face and shouting.

"I'm  Hidaka Ken," growls fiercely the soccer fanatic, "pleased to meet you. Just so you know, Omi is mine, asshole, so stop harassing him!"

Said puzzling statement is followed by a sucker punch that nearly sends the peeved katana wielding terror to his knees. The kenkaku[2] retaliates with a shiner and all that follows can be summed up as  senseless violence.

Unfortunately, my display didn't manage to make much of a lasting impression in spite of it having ended with the pervert knocked down and out like a candle for more than two days. The cold bastard kept stepping into the path of True Love.

OK maybe I did watch the Princess Bride a couple times too many, well make that a couple hundreds time too many. Well, bugger me, I am a romantic at heart, nothing odd with that now is there?!  

More than once I had to step between my Omi and HIM to have the pervert keep HIS foul paws away from my precious.

OK. No more Lord of the rings for me… 

More than anything else, what really bugged me was how he kept trying to fool around with the slut too. Those two timing bastards had better watch out, one false step and one little tear on my Omi's cheeks and their rightful comeuppance will be coming their way.

Yohji and Aya are sitting on the couch in the mission room trying to work out a fool-proof plan to get rid of Omi's attentions.

The strategy sessions have become more and more necessary as lately the relationship between Ken and Omi has dwindled to almost nothing, leaving the teen with plenty of frustration to work off.

All of a sudden the playboy looks at his partner in escape-from-the-crazed-Omi and observes, "You're  really beautiful, you know?"

"Hn, plan," is all the answer the redhead spares him while looking at the ventilation system of the shop, trying to plan possible escape routes through it to their rooms.  With a put upon sigh the younger of the two victims has to conclude that said system, while perfect that all sorts of bugs, is hardly fit for human sized escapists.

"Aaaaaaaaayyyyyaaaaaaa."  The whine disturbs the icy red headed man's musings. Looking up he finds himself before one very good looking blond haired adult, who goes on to complain some more.

"I haven't gotten some in forever and the jailbait just frightens me so…" insists the blond, "Can I do you?"

"I don't do bottom"  icily replies back his redheaded team-mate.  

"Pity," sighs Yohji, "neither do I…" A long uncomfortable silence ensues as both men become aware of an undeniable fact. Omi hasn't gotten any in two weeks, since he last corned Ken. *They* however, haven't been getting any ever since they stepped into the Koneko… 

"I need some," whimpers the blond, "oh, fuck I'll give it try… you any good?"

Much later a sated Yohji comments, "I don't do top… But I still want rid of the chibi terror!"  

"Good" answers back a smug looking Aya, threading one long fingered hand through silky, honey coloured locks, "cause you are mine. Now let's just hope that Omi catches us in the act…"

Before his cohort can manage any kind of answer though a soft voice belonging to a brown haired soccer maniac reaches their ears, "He already did! You dirty hentais!!!! For hurting my Omi prepare to die!!!"

What follows is more senseless violence…    

It fell to me to put back the pieces of a shattered Omi. The revelation that I was glad things had turned out as they did made me realise just how much of a terrible person I am. I was happy to see my beloved hurt by the discovery of his two possible love interests trysting with one another…  Well put it like that, I suppose I am just normal…

TBC… 

**End of 3/5!**

Soo… What about Ayan AKA the pervert? 

**Author's Notes:**

[1] Sorry Ayan… but all those buckles make people wonder… 

[2] Kenkaku = swordsman


	4. Go west young man WEST I said!

**Disclaimer: ** I don't own any of the Weiss characters!  Can I borrow them? Please?!!!! Sobs… I am just playing with them, OK? I won't ruin them… much. Come on it's just for a 'good' laugh… 

Also I do not own any other anime characters mentioned in this 'thing' proper disclaimers in the AN at the end of each part. That said on to…

  PART 4: Go West young man… WEST I said! 

Anyway, as I was saying, to alleviate Omi's depression I started taking him around to try and enjoy himself. 

First there was the Mount Fuji excursion…

"There Omi! These are our guides, Sagara Sanosuke-san and Hibiki Ryoga-san[1]. They are the best guides there are! Imagine that; for the Mount Fuji expeditions they bring along victuals for three weeks and have all these necessary gadgets too …" babbles on a cheerful Ken while introducing two messy haired, bandanna wearing, sturdy brunettes carrying enormous backpacks.  

"Ano, Ken-kun," hesitates the young blond, "the trip should only take about half an hour after we leave the last bus stop and why  would we need explosives, forty kilos of catnip and seal pelts for? Just to make a few examples…"

"Tsukiyono-san" interjects the smaller and stockier of the two guides, the one who had been introduced as  Hibiki-san, "you are perfectly right. We don't need the explosives cause should we get stuck in one of the boundless caves on mount Fuji we could surely free ourselves with our secret techniques of the Breaking point and Sanosuke-kun's Futae no Kiwami. Should we, however, run out of ki then explosives are the best choice. Also, well lions love catnip as we have been able to discover on a former trip on Mount Fuji. And the seal pelts are absolutely necessary in case of ice. Running away from an enraged polar bear is mightily difficult unless you are using those."

Before a flabbergasted Omi can manage to observe that caves, lions and polar bears aren't found on Mount Fuji, though, Ken has already gotten him buckled safely into the beaten down car of their travel guides and somehow they have ended somewhere close to Novosibirsk. 

Four weeks afterwards in the shop… 

"Mmmh" comments a blond 'slut' while busily kissing his boyfriend's neck and looking at the card addressed to the pervert and the slut that the postman has just delivered, "so they're   in Africa now. This photo sure is lifelike, wonder if they used a 100 ASI  or a 200 one… you can practically count that lion's teeth. Oh look, he has a cavity in that one, the one about to bite  Omi's leg… Still, I think the chibi should have had more sense than to disturb a lion. Think he's  all right?"

"Nh," answers back the redhead holding the card before turning it, "he should be by now. He signed this three weeks ago, and it was after the fact, obviously." 

Reading from over his boyfriend's shoulder, the blond observes after looking at the date, " Mmh yes the stitches should be out by now. We should take an extended lovers' holiday too once they get back. " 

Then there was the Kyoto one.

"Muraki-san and Oriya-san[2] were kind enough to offer for us to stay at their hotel even if they are overbooked like everyone else due to the occult and black magic festival  taking place, aren't we lucky Omi?" Cheerfully observes the soccer fanatic while dragging the whimpering teen along.

Much later that same night a drugged, well more drugged than usual, Omi is laying on an altar covered in blood traced symbols. An unconscious Ken is hanging from black bindings on the wall. A creepy looking white haired man in a white suit, that looks a whole lot like someone our heroes will meet at a later time and who will forever gripe about not having foreseen said meeting, is caressing the unconscious blond's face while fingering a wicked looking carving knife.

As the man cuts away Omi's clothing though, the boy ,due to his high resistance to all kind of drugs, comes to and upon seeing himself naked and a man hovering over him comes to the obvious conclusion.

"Ohh I'm  getting some, cool!" enthuses the teen before latching onto the man's mouth and groping him firmly through his trousers. 

What follows is too horrible to contemplate; suffice to say that two days afterwards the younger members of Weiss are back in the flower shop: Ken refreshed from a long uninterrupted sleep and for once not sore in unmentionable places and Omi relaxed after a very satisfying 'tour' of Kyoto's beauties, or rather of one beauty in Kyoto. 

Somewhere else one very achy and very sore Muraki-san vows to his surprised friend that he shall never ever be a bad boy again!

TBC… 

**End of 4/5!**

Don't really know where this came from… So how bad does it suck? Please do tell!

**Author's notes:**

[1] Not mine! One from Ruroni no Kenshin and the other from Ranma ½. Watsuki-san's  and Takahashi-sama's respectively. They make for great guides ^.^;;;; or how to get lost in a closet with only one door in three simple lessons…

[2] Not mine either they are from Yami no Matsuei, belonging to Yoko Matsushita and other important people.


	5. Who is the crossdressing freak?

Disclaimer: Still not mine! PART 5: Who is the cross-dressing freak? 

After that one, though, Omi thought that we should explore our relationship in better known settings. So we started going out on dates every other Friday. It was a very good period for me, though Omi's young age, he was still only sixteen, made it difficult for him to hang out with me, when I was so obviously more mature. We did find a solution for that though…

"There Ken-kun," chirps happily a smiling Omi, "put this skirt on, it will look good with the sailor like shirt you're wearing. Then we'll  just have to shave your legs and we'll  be all set for our date…"

Anyway, the dates got more and more significant for us and we always had a great time. Plus with my disguise we didn't get all the harassment experienced by male\male couples like say the slut and the perv … Well, Yohji and Aya, I should say as by this point, given that they had renounced trying to take Omi away from me, we were on first name basis and well on our way to becoming friends.

All went well till a day that will remain forever branded into my memory as both the worst and the best one of my life.

We had gone out to a cinema and well, we had started necking and then that had sorta evolved under the spur of the moment, you know: no lights, main actors making out, that sort of thing, into some pretty  explicit petting.

It was sometime after the intermission, as Omi was now giving a good impression of Shiva, or whatever you call that Indian guy with all those arms, that we adjourned to the bathroom.

Now, normally both of us wouldn't get within a mile of the toilets in a cinema, unless we had a gun pointed to our head, but the toilets in this particular theatre were always spotlessly clean and lavish. Which was the  main reason we always went there, even if the film was nothing special  that day.

We were on the process of divesting ourselves of our comfy winter clothing when disaster struck. An old terror of a lady with a huge freaking brush and the customary apron and head cover get up of rural Japan entered the premises, saw us getting, erm, intimate and smiled, no smirked at us with a maliciousness unparalleled.   (A.N. Has to meet Schu…)

"Soo I finally caught you!! You are the hentais making out in MY bathroom! You know how long it takes for me to clean all that stuff you leak all over it?" She cackled while giving her speech, which made her seem even scarier… "And all this while I have to  gather all the containers slobs like you leave all over and see to my shop across the road… Well, no matter, I already called the police and they will apprehend you, you dirty bath defilers!"  

While we started looking for a way to make it past the old lady, without hurting her and without coming into contact with the  improvised weapon  she was wielding with great expertise, the police arrived. And then the cat was out of the bag…  in our confusion we hadn't realised that my skirt was still in a bunched up position revealing without a doubt to all that I was NOT female.

The charges of Improper Public Behaviour and Exposure were upped to Perversion, Cross Dressing, which I hadn't thought was a public offence, the way the officer who took us in said it, though, proved it was a very bad thing, and Sex with a Minor…

Omi might get off the hook with a reprimand and some social work I hoped while waiting for interrogation,  but I was obviously in for a long stay. And above that was the fear that Kritiker might just decide to eliminate me, before someone figured out I should be dead, tantamount in my mind.

Then out of the blue waltzed in my Omi and he said that they had dropped the charges and that we were free to go. For a minute I thought that maybe he had brainwashed the policemen, but well such things as brainwashing and convincing people of something through pure mind power only exists in b-rated science fiction films… (A.N. Still has to meet Schu…)

So we stepped out of the police station,  me looking  over my shoulder the whole time to see if someone tried to stop us, and Omi grasping my arm so tightly that I was sure it would be bruised for days afterwards.

As soon as we were out and a good block away, though,  I could no longer stop myself from asking what had provoked such an unlikely change of heart given the position of that police officer Takanawa.

It was a sheepish Omi that answered me. "Well," he said blushing in the cutest of ways, "I threw a temper tantrum, said that I loved you and that they couldn't separate us…"

"And that stopped them?" I considered astounded. 

"No," said Omi, a surprised expression on his own face "but the fact that I knew Inspector Takanawa's habit of keeping some funds to himself did… Also, well the other officer, Masumune-san, she was very sympathetic, kept saying kawaii[1] over and over, after I told them that I loved you …"

"You did?" I asked uncertainly. Only to be reassured by a nod and the sweetest of all the things my beloved had ever told me. "And I do Ken-kun, love you, I mean," explained Omi, "it took the idea of not seeing you for several years to make me realise that. I mean… I would die of sexual frustration at the very least!"

_Well I could have hoped for more but then I am the sort of guy who is content with what he has and one day, maybe, I will get a more romantic declaration… For true Love always wins in the end!_

_ I am trying to stop watching the Princess Bride, I swear!_

That day was the one when my real life started, before that, it was just rehearsals.

Owari 

**End of 5/5!! Finished! YAY!** ****

**Hey Schwarz companion fic anyone?**

Erm anybody still there and alive? If you are there hit the three legged table will you? In other words review!! ^.^

**Notes:**

 [1] kawaii = cute, duh.

Hope you liked this Sardius! 

Many, many thanks to all the kind people who took the time to review:

**Sardius** For all your support and encouragement and for being a great friend: THANKS!!!!

**Hele** Yes, I know, not enough Aya in this fic for us fangirls of the gorgeous redhead…  But there shall be other occasions! ^___^

**Crystal Okamino** Oh well the chibi did get sedatives! Too many of them so they no longer work!!! Oh the horror the poor Weiss boys have to face!! 

**Kasra **Helps Kasra off the floor… Sorry you OK? Well, anyway, I did get more out… Sure hope you survived the rest of the thing! ^.^;;

**Enna Namo** Insane? Ohoh and this from the gal who writes Fours assassins? Check it out people awesome story! Yes well I do deserve the comment, that is sure!!! I have been wondering about my sanity or lack thereof  while writing this! 

**Pink Bunny** Ohh you too think Ken is a poor helpless jock? That makes two of us ^___^ smirks. And well thanks a lot for taking the time to read most of my stuff and for your encouragement. Oh and you can stop crying I am working on With my eyes wide open, I honestly am!

**Sky rat** Well glad you enjoyed and that you appreciated the quality of the guides our dear Ken-ken managed to secure!

**MiniMorr** Wow thanks for commenting! I have greatly appreciated your taking the time to comment chapter after chapter! Coming from such a great wonderful author such as you, this is great food for the starving Muse!!! Thanks! Yes I am a fan of yours, that I am! I bet you noticed eh? ^.^;; The idea of a Schwarz companion fic has set the Muse into motion and if you still want more, well one day Schwarz will have to meet Weiss. And one day I will write about that encounter too! 

**Akurei** Thanks for your insightful comments they have given me soo many bad, bad ideas… evil grin. Especially about Schwarz meeting Weiss… ahahahah, cough, I am fine no worries…

**Cousin D** Last but not least! Hope you enjoyed the end of the story! More 'proof' that little Omi is a naughty, naughty boy… ; P it runs in the family after all!

And gals and guys if there are any, as thanks for being some of the my first reviewers ever… If you want it, once I get to it, cough in a couple of years cough, **the Schwarz companion fic will be for you**! Your encouragement spurred me to get this out that much more quickly than foreseeable at a time where RL stunted most of my writing projects. Thanks!

Additional thanks go to the wonderful **Neko** for her efforts in making this readable!

Thanks for reading to all the people who didn't have the time to leave a comment! 


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